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Original: 7/9/2008 11:38 AM
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Well Crap

 I had this really weird case some time back. I was representing a 16 year old kid caught in a custody battle.  The kid had lived with Dad every since the divorce and it appeared that Dad was doing a good job.  However, Dad was going through an extremely messy divorce from wife #2 (not the mother of the child).

The same lawyer represented both wife #2 and the mother of my client, which admittedly was odd.  The timing of the two cases also appeared highly suspect to me.  The issue of the custody case was that Dad was perhaps too permissive of drug (marijuana) and alcohol use.  However, I had a sixteen year old client who did not want to move in his last years of high school to another state.  I also had to wonder because every since the divorce there had never been any problem with Dad up until his messy divorce.  I made it pretty clear to the lawyer for Mom and wife #2 that my impression was that wife #2 was "stirring the pot" and I wasn't very inclined to support moving a 16 year old against their will to another state.

My 16 year old client took a drug test and (as I recall) it was negative. There was nothing to indicate that the kid had a major drug problem.  The kid had a pretty good school record and other than the allegations made primarily by wife #2, there didn't appear to be any problem at the home.

The mother of my client eventually decided to dismiss her case. I have no real idea why although I suspect money was an issue.  Mom was in Arizona and had to fly out for court.  I don't know how much my position on the case influenced the decision by Mom to dismiss.

Well, I see the lawyer for Mom and wife #2 today in court.  I don't care for her too much because she just appears manipulative.  It turns out my client died of a drug overdose.  All I could think was "well, crap."   "Did I screw that one up?"  "Maybe switching to Mom may have prevented this."  Dad supposedly is suicidal.  I knew that he loved and was very bonded to his son.

It's tough making decisions that affect people's lives.  I'm always mindful that there is a high chance that any decision could lead to harm to the people involved.  My general rule is to try very hard to do no harm.  The irony is that sometime doing nothing ends up doing harm.

It's possible that forcing a 16 year old to move would not have changed the outcome.  It's just the possibility that it could have that is troubling.




 Posted 7/9/2008 11:38 AM - 126 Views - 26 eProps - 12 comments

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12 Comments

Visit shrek_azn's Xanga Site!
Wow, what a story. Thanks for sharing
Posted 7/9/2008 11:57 AM by shrek_azn Xanga Lifetime Member - reply

Visit EarthsAzureLight's Xanga Site!
Wow, that's tragic.
Posted 7/9/2008 12:37 PM by EarthsAzureLight Xanga True Member Xanga Premium Member - reply

Visit sojourner_true's Xanga Site!
I wouldn't dwell on the possibility that you were involved in his death.
You don't OD on marijuana.
If he had a drug problem, moving wouldn't have made drugs less available.
And moving would have sucked- you made a sound choice.
Posted 7/9/2008 12:51 PM by sojourner_true Xanga True Member - reply

Visit momofjenmatt's Xanga Site!
you did what you could, and thought was right, with all the information you had. No one can predict the future.
Posted 7/9/2008 12:51 PM by momofjenmatt Xanga True Member Xanga Lifetime Member - reply

Visit nostoryrob's Xanga Site!
Ron - The world is too complicated to understand all the reasons things happen or don't happen. Plus you have to let people be responsible for the lives they lead. You don't choose their reactions to circumstances; that's their choice. Your intentions are good. That's what counts.
Posted 7/9/2008 1:27 PM by nostoryrob - reply

Visit homer3132's Xanga Site!

It's tough to try to make things better for people for a number of reasons.  While there is the possibility that you could have done something to prevent the eventual outcome, there is also the possibility that this was going to happen regardless of your actions.  The world can be a tricky place sometimes, it's best to realize our limited perspectives and appreciate things as they are, even if they are depressing. 

Posted 7/9/2008 2:52 PM by homer3132 - reply

Visit oOBuBBLes711Oo's Xanga Site!
My general rule is to try very hard to do no harm. The irony is that sometime doing nothing ends up doing harm.


--Life is confusing as it is hard
Posted 7/9/2008 3:05 PM by oOBuBBLes711Oo Xanga True Member - reply

Visit dearemmie's Xanga Site!
sometimes i think of life as being a movie..no matter what u do/decide the film keeps moving as if its meant to happen one way or another....
Posted 7/9/2008 5:52 PM by dearemmie - reply

Visit Breath_Of_Dawn's Xanga Site!
Dude! Crap!

I can tell you from personal experience - if a person is determined to kill themselves, you won't stop them. Period. We'll never know "what if..." so don't spend time there.

What is, is. Life is hard. At times when we are devastated, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving.
Posted 7/10/2008 1:19 AM by Breath_Of_Dawn - reply

Visit sahel578's Xanga Site!
Is it possible that wife #2 could have simply been lying to you?
Posted 7/10/2008 7:54 AM by sahel578 Xanga True Member Xanga Premium Member - reply

Visit loveinthewhirls's Xanga Site!
interesting site you have here. :D
Posted 7/11/2008 9:50 AM by loveinthewhirls - reply

Visit BelinaRising's Xanga Site!

As a counselor, I can tell you that he may well have done the same thing if he was living with his mother.  The choice was his. The demons that drove him took hold long before he stepped into your courtroom.  The decision of the court did not fatalistically predetermin the outcome for his life.  Sometimes decisions can create a greater or lesser likelyhood of a give outcome, but nothing is set in stone.  Most clients I've seen rationalize the case for their own self destruction regardles of their exterior circumstance, particularly when drugs are envolved.

Go easy on yourself.  You gave him the best opportunity you could at the time. Once they walk out of the courtroom, it is out of your control.  It could be it was the best decision until some other intervening event changed the mix.  People's lives don't stay on hold. They are constantly changing in ways you can't control and sometimes never know about. 

Breathe easy on this one. You probably did the best anyone could do.

Posted 7/15/2008 1:30 PM by BelinaRising - reply


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